Emelia Naa Ayeley Aryee II Freelance Journalist
The most painful thing about infertility must be that a woman gets pregnant alright, but is not able to carry the baby through to a full term, especially when the pregnancy does not grow to the size that is readily visible to the eye.
Another aspect of this is when the pregnancy grows so that everyone knows you are pregnant, but you miscarry it at a point and do not get a baby, yet, instead of receiving support, society would rather mock you for not having a baby.
This is what happened in the case of a lady who pleaded on conditions of anonymity to be called Auntie Naa.
She married at the age of 25, young, energetic and industrious. Her husband found a real treasure in her prior to their marriage but did he continue to see her as a treasure?
Spontaneous miscarriages
Before their first wedding anniversary, Auntie Naa had already conceived. They were happy and looked forward to welcoming their first child but it did not happen. By the time the pregnancy reached the third month, she had a miscarriage.
The couple returned from the hospital disappointed. They, however, held on to the hope that she will be able to get pregnant again. This happened not long after that miscarriage.
Sadly, Auntie Naa lost this pregnancy, too. The only difference about this pregnancy was that it was in the fifth month and was visible for all to see.
“The second pregnancy grew and everyone saw that I was pregnant. I was happy and my area people were also happy for me. I felt devastated when, in the fifth month, I lost that one also,” Auntie Naa cried.
It didn’t help that she soon got pregnant but lost that third one, too. This was the turning point in her marriage.
Close friend snatches husband
Her husband soon started giving excuses for not coming home on time. Sometimes, he never returned at all. She also noticed that he had changed completely. He no longer engaged her in conversation. He simply found ways to avoid him.
It took no time to find what had happened to her husband. She was seeing another woman. That was not enough to throw Auntie Naa into a state of shock than discovering that her husband was seeing her own friend and mentee!
The lady the husband was now seeing was her ‘small girl’ she sent on errands. They ate together, they go places together, they were very close friends and that was why she felt deeply hurt.
It didn’t help that this ‘small girl’ of hers hurled many insults at her, including that Auntie Naa had turned her babies into water and so she could never have a child.
“When I found out that it was my small girl he was doing that with, I was hurt. Why didn’t he go outside but my own friend. The betrayal from both of them caused me a lot of distress. And she insulted me that I have turned my children into water and will keep urinating them away in my miscarriage,” Auntie Naa narrated.
Unable to bear the heat anymore, she bad that marriage farewell after the ‘small girl’ got pregnant for her husband. It was such a disheartening experience for her but she was left with no choice than to leave.
The second marriage
Owing to her beauty, kindness and industriousness, in less than two years after her marriage collapse, Auntie Naa settled down in her second marriage.
Her husband’s family, especially the mother-in-law loved her so much because of her generosity. The husband’s friends were also fond of her because anytime they visited them at home, she cooked them good meals.
She was also generous with her money, as she sponsored her husband in school when he went to study for his master’s degree. This made the husband, her mother-in-law and other members of the family love her so much.
Adding to the love they had for her, Auntie Naa got pregnant in the first year of their marriage. But, again and again, she lost the pregnancy in the second month.
On the second and third occasion, she lost all the pregnancies, making it three in all for her second marriage just as was the case in her first marriage.
Husband grabs another woman
Auntie Naa’s husband started to travel a lot on the weekends because he said he had some work to do outside Accra. She supported her in whichever way he needed to be comfortable while away.
However, few months later, one of the husband’s friends approached her and told her that he could no longer hide something from her because she was a good and generous woman.
Auntie Naa wondered what was being hidden from her. She had a feeling that it would be something concerning her husband, but she least expected that it would be tied to infidelity.
She had the shock of her life when the friend opened up to her that her husband had fathered a child with another woman. He even offered to take her to where he lived with the other woman who had just given birth.
It was a tortuous journey she embarked on. More painful when she found out the truth for herself and even carried the innocent baby in her arms. It was on her way back from that journey that she began talking to herself and ended up in an alcoholic store. This is how she ended up as an alcoholic for a decade!
Stigmatisation and support
“Why are you associating with this woman? This woman who has no child and has nothing better to think about is the one you want to move about with?”
These were some of the cruel words said about Auntie Naa because of her situation. She was going out with a friend when an elderly woman stopped the friend to inquire about where they were going.
The elderly woman discouraged her friend from going with her because according to her, she was a dangerous person to associate with just because she didn’t have a child of her own.
There were days she locked herself up in her room because a neighbour would call her names because she decided to take part in a conversation about the house.
The most painful of all the bad words said to her came from her second husband.
“He told me that he wanted a child. That ‘fufu’ has no wheel. This means that you cannot send food on an errand, it is a human being we send, therefore, being able to cook is good, but being able to have a child is most rewarding.”
According to Auntie Naa, being compared with food by her second husband is what plunged her into severe depression and alcoholism.
Asked if she ever went to the hospital to check what was causing her recurring miscarriages, Auntie Naa said she never visited the hospital because one elderly woman in her community told her whatever was happening was not a ‘hospital’ matter.
“She told me my miscarriages was caused by a spiritual thing known in the local parlance as “asram”. She gave me some concoctions to drink as that would salvage my situation. I kept drinking the concoction that I never visited the hospital,” she said.
It must be said that there were also people who supported Auntie Naa and showed her love. These advised her to keep calm. They make her feel worthy whether or not she had her own children.
Auntie Naa herself came to the realization that dwelling so much on her situation made her lose out on other interesting parts of life. Thus, she had a change of mind to be vibrant once more and to go out and have fun all by herself of with friend.
With this, she has put her issues behind her and currently enjoying life as every woman and human being should do!
See the full story of Auntie Naa here:
