Author: Emelia Naa Ayeley Aryee || Freelance Journalist
With the current trend of infertility stigma where women are mostly the target of name-callings, insults, gossips and even ostracization, one would wonder how the situation was like in the olden days when there was no media or information on the various conditions and diseases causing infertility.
Interestingly, there are a few similarities here and there comparing situations of what happened then and now.
This is a story shared by an 85-year-old woman, Madam Alice Adjoa Ahiaku. She was a victim of infertility stigma. For being infertile, she treated with disdain by her own husband, community members, and her fellow woman. Let’s go into Maa Alice’s story.
Early marriage life
Those days were not like today. It was the norm for a girl child to marry early once she was 18 years and above, and young Alice was one of the girls given away in marriage, an arranged one for that matter at the age of 19.
Born and bred in the Volta Region of Ghana, she moved down south to Tema, where she would live the rest of her life with her husband, Mr. Norgbedzi.
Life seemed to be smiling at Alice. Unlike her other females who were married to non-elites, such as farmers, fishermen, apprentices, she was privileged to have been married to a corporate man who worked with Ghana’s only aluminum company – Volta Aluminum Company (VALCO).
Marrying to such a man in those days was an enviable thing. There were spousal benefits, including attending the prestigious VALCO hospital and receiving free medical care at any time.
Young Alice now finds herself in her marital home, and as is the expectation of most young couple, they looked forward to having their own children.
However, one year passed, three years passed as well, and five years passed by sadly without Alice especially, seeing her wishes and dreams come through.
Stigma sets in
After one year elapsed without a baby bump to show, Alice soon became a subject of gossip and ridicule.
According to her, people mocked her in the face at any given chance, and they would not fail at telling her how ‘useless’ she was because no child had come out of her. On one hot afternoon, her only mistake was to have called someone’s daughter to send on an errand:
“I called a young girl in the house to get some items from a nearby shop for me. The mother screamed at her to go sit down because the sun was hot. The mother later turned to me and said if I want to send a human being, I should first learn how to make my own to know how it feels like to be in labour,” Maa Alice narrated.
Another time, women had group and were making merry at a newborn’s naming ceremony. She regretted getting close to where the women were seated because she was told she lacked the qualification to be in their midst.
I asked her what had been her response in the face of all these verbal attacks, and her response was simple:
“I don’t keep quiet when they say that to me. I tell them that it is not my fault that I don’t have a child, and that I am not the one to create a child into my womb, and that when God wants to, he will give me my own baby.”
Her tactful response, however, would not dissuade those who were meaning to make her feel less human for not having a baby. Over and over again, they found opportunities to mock her, yet, she repeated that same answer. Maa Alice said never for once did she engage any of her trollers in a fight because she was too focused on herself for that.
Husband brings new wife into their matrimonial home
Out of desperation to have a child, Maa Alice’s husband brought another woman home, into their matrimonial home! He did not inform her prior to bringing the new woman home. The husband only made an informal announcement in the midst of the two women that he had brought in a new wife to bear him children.
Maa Alice would have none of it. She believed that even if the husband wanted a new wife, it shouldn’t be in their matrimonial home. She argued that she needs to be accorded some respect, therefore, the husband needed to rent a new place to live with his new wife.
The new wife would also not agree to Maa Alice’s request. She wanted them all to live under the same roof so she could taunt her when the opportunity arose. Maa Alice is a quiet and peaceful person, and that was perceived to be her weakness.
The new wife soon got pregnant after coming in in less than three months. You can only imagine what the situation would be like for Maa Alice. The new woman ultimately asked her to leave the home because it now belonged to her. Yes, it belonged to her because she is the one who has been able to achieve pregnancy and would give their husband a child. Therefore, she needed to leave
Maa Alice, however, would not move. She fought back this time, so much so that the chaos was enough to send her husband and the new wife packing into a new place as they expected the arrival of their child. In all, they had six (6) children together later in life.
All that while, Maa Alice’s parents were very supportive. Her mother advised her to leave the marriage and return to the Volta Region so she could have some peace and good food to eat. For she had grown lean because of her unending issues.
Her father had even invited her husband over for a man-to-man talk but he never showed up. It also helped that Maa Alice’s mother-in-law loved her very much and also supported her. They were those she fell on in those hard times of her marriage. A turbulent marriage because of lack of children in it.
Drugs upon drugs
Maa Alice was at the mercy of medications. Those given to her by the doctor, and those recommended to her by friends and people who were genuinely concerned about her predicament.
She attended the VALCO hospital and received progressive medical attention. In her own words, the doctor gave her so much medications that she had no option than to swallow them all in her desperate quest for a child.
In her own words, for all the work she did in her lifetime, buying medications to cure her infertility took the large chunk of it.
At a point, she decided enough was enough and she was not going to take any more medications. Her money was getting finished and she would soon not have food to eat if she kept on buying fertility medicines. She stopped.
Mysterious woman from Accra
There was something about a strange woman who came from Accra to Tema to sell ‘fertility medicine’. This woman entered into the house in which Maa Alice lived, saw her sister and said to her directly: “I am selling fertility medicine. Is there anyone in this house who needs it?”
Alice heard her name being called multiple times by her sister. She rushed out to meet her to know why she persistently called her out. That was when she met her sister and the ‘fertility medicine’ seller. The two made it clear to her that she needed to try this very medicine because it was the answer to her long-time prayer. Around this time, Maa Alice was 34 years.
She responded to both women that she was fed up and tired of drinking all concoctions in the name of wanting to have a child: “Why is it that all my life, the only thing I have used my money for is to buy fertility medicines every day and every month of the year but nothing to show for? I am not buying it this time.”
However, the fertility medicine seller would not have it. She managed to convince Maa Alice to buy it. There was a condition attached, though. So, it was agreed by the three women that Maa Alice should only pay for the medicine after she got pregnant; something the seller was so sure of.
With that she went away back to Accra. That journey in those days was seen as a herculean one because unlike today where vehicles are in abundance, people had to wait for days for their turn to be transported in ‘mummy lories’, now commonly known as ‘bone-shakers’.
Pregnant at last!
If you would refer to the ‘fertility medicine’ seller as a prophetess, then so be it! Not long after Maa Alice started taking her medicine, she got pregnant. She did not even notice the pregnancy; it was her neighbours who told her she was pregnant.
“Me pregnant? How can I be? I am not pregnant, maybe food is making me put on weight. Is it now that I am no longer young that I will be pregnant? I am not pregnant.” This was Maa Alice’s response to anyone who told her she was pregnant. She did not believe that.
Soon, Maa Alice fell ill. She took some medications to target malaria, but she did not get healed. Grudgingly, she decided to go to the hospital to see the doctor. It was after series of tests were carried out that it was medically confirmed that she was pregnant! Would this news change anything for the better?
Asked how she took the news of her pregnancy after 15 years of marriage, sadly, Maa Alice said she was indifferent about it. Why? Because she had been scarred by the happenings in her life over the years – the harsh treatment from her husband, members of the community calling her ‘useless’, spending all her money on seeking a baby, the loneliness she had experienced over the years, and an overall bitter life experienced.
Again, reflecting on what the mysterious fertility medicine seller had told her deepened her woes. She had been told that if she gave birth to a girl, the child would die. However, when she gets a male, he would survive and live.
With all the emotions running through her body and head, Maa Alice held on to a glimpse of hope – hope that this pregnant will motivate her husband to become ‘regular’ with her. For her husband only treated her as an ‘option’ and visited her only when he wants to, not when she wanted to see him. Thankfully, one of his irregular visitations resulted in the pregnancy. That was the only thing Alice was grateful for about the pregnancy.
Husband did not care
As disappointing as it would be to Maa Alice, her husband treated the news of her pregnancy with a pinch of salt. He would not believe it until he sees a baby bump.
This man withdrew all the support he offered to her. He stopped giving her money. According to her, the husband said he sees no need to fend for her when they had no child between them. He even advised her to move back to her parents but Alice did not budge.
Asked if the husband resumed caring financially for her after breaking the news of the pregnancy to him, Maa Alice responded negatively. Her husband was resolute in his ‘no baby bump, no money’ policy and he stuck to that.
Even after her belly became big as evidence of pregnancy, Maa Alice was still shunned by her husband.
She needed to take care of herself throughout for pregnancy. She revealed that sometimes, even the lorry fare she needed for the hospital was a problem. Thus, she postponed some of her appointments with the doctor until she was able to raise the amount she needed for transportation.
That was how she coped throughout the pregnancy till it was time to deliver. Will it be easy for her? What challenges awaited her?
Baby stuck in womb
The pregnancy journey in its entirely was a smooth one for Maa Alice. She had no complications at all. Everything was going well until the pregnancy passed the ninth month without a sign that the baby was coming out.
The tenth month passed. Eleventh month passed and still there was no indication that the baby was coming out. It was a full one year. Unlike normal pregnancy that lasts a period of nine-month, Maa Alice’s own was different.
At the hospital, the doctors resolved to perform a caesarian session to remove the baby. Alice was given some injections that were to prepare her for the operation. The effect of the anesthesia sent her into coma for days.
She had informed the husband about the doctor’s decision but he was unperturbed. Alice stayed at the hospital for a week before regaining consciousness. According to her, it was after that the baby was taken out.
Much to her desire, it was a boy! It was at this time that Alice became excited for the first time after getting pregnant. For she was keeping her emotions under control to avert any disappointment in the likely event that she gave birth to a baby girl and she had to lose her – according to the mysterious ‘fertility medicine’ seller.
Now, she has a baby boy who is going to live. A baby from her own body. Her baby that changed her societal tag of “uselessness” to being useful. Maa Alice was ready to spend all her time, resources, and energy to take care of her baby boy.
Possible cause of Maa Alice’s infertility
A woman’s fertility largely depends on her menstruation. So, I asked if she had a regular menstrual cycle and Maa Alice’s response was a no. I was not surprised because from the symptoms she described to me, I figured out she was suffering from polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). She menstruated at most two times in a whole year.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), anovulation is a common symptom of women with PCOS, the condition responsible for 70% infertility cases in women.
Maa Alice’s menses was irregular, and this is another reason why she did not know she was pregnant because, after all, she was not seeing her menses every month to note any changes.
PCOS cannot be cured. It can, however, be managed for the woman to attain pregnancy. It is advised that women who do not menstruate every month should see a medical doctor to ascertain what the cause could be. The good news is that women with PCOS can have children.
What kept her going
Maa Alice is naturally a hardworking woman. Even now at age 85, she is still strong and supervises the day-to-day activities in her home in the Volta Region. As a young woman, she worked at the Tema Fishing Harbour preparing dry salted fish for sale. It was a good trade in those days.
She is also a devout Christian. Her predicament did not shift her attention from God. She worshipped at the local church regularly. No wonder she responded to those who mocked her that at the right time, God himself would create a baby and put into her womb.
These and many other things kept Maa Alice’s mind busy so as not to dwell on her infertility more than it was necessary to.
Asked what advice she has for women going through her experience, Maa Alice say they shouldn’t listen to everything people say.
“If possible, don’t listen at all. Associate with good people, get busy, and be hopeful. No that it is God who create babies, and when the time is right, he will create your own for you,” Maa Alice said.
This is the life story of Madam Alice Adjoa Ahiaku. She tasted pain, betrayal, disappointment, insutls, and rejection. She endured and was rewarded beautifully. She named her son Xorlali, meaning “My Redeemer lives”, or “My saviour has delivered me”.
At the time of this interview on Sunday, June 30, 2024, Maa Alice’s son had turned 50 years. Her son, Mr. Abraham Norgbedzi, had made arrangements for her to visit him in Tema so they could share some nice moments together on his 50th birthday. It was such an emotional moment for mother and her son, her only child.
Conclusion:
From the foregoing, it seems infertility stigma has been a thing of old, and it thrived then because there was lack of information on the causes and treatment.
Today, with the emergency of social media packed with information, should women still be stigmatised for not having children especially when they are suffering from a condition through no fault of theirs? No!
Couples who are infertile must also visit the hospital together for thorough checks to ascertain the cause of their infertility for effective management and treatment.
Today, unlike the 1950s, there are assisted methods of conceiving, including IVF, IU, and the likes. Couples who are not able to conceive naturally must be counselled on the assisted methods and recommendations of which one would help made to them.
Above all, people of today must shun the stigma. There is a lot of enlightenment and sensitization going on today about the causes of infertility, juxtaposed against then. Therefore, stigma is what we all ought to fight against now!
What do you make of infertility stigma then and now? I leave it to you to make your own judgement.
Watch the full story of Maa Alice here:
