Emelia Naa Ayeley Aryee II Freelance Journalist
The Founder, and President of the New Life Orphanage, Nungua, Nii Afotey Botwe II, who also doubles the Chief of Nungua Otinor, has opened up on the fertility struggle he and his wife had in their marriage.
Nii Botwe II said it took him and his wife nine (9) years after marriage to have their first child – a blessed baby girl, as he called her. By then, he had not been installed as a chief yet.
He was speaking in an exclusive interview with journalist and gender advocate Emelia Naa Ayeley Aryee at his residence in Accra.
The marriage
Nii Afotey is the favourite of all his father’s children. He was industrious and concerned himself the affairs of their home, caring for his parents, his siblings and their children.
Because of this attitude, the father feared that his son might grow focusing too much on the family which might make him lose sight on settling down and making his own family. Therefore, he advised him to start thinking of marriage.
“My father was scared for me. He was afraid that the way I kept looking after everyone in the house and was always busy, I would grow up without a family of my own. So, he advised me to get married soon and would not let me rest,” Nii Afotey narrated.
At a point, his father’s advice made a lot of sense to him so he started contemplating marriage.
All that while, he had one gorgeous lady in mind, hisformer colleague in school who crawled into his heart anytime the issue of marriage came up. Thus, he talked to her about it, and after some time, the two got married.
The marriage between the fresh couple took effect with a beautiful ceremony. There was a lot to drink and eat. Everyone was happy and satisfied. The two were now left alone to live their life together. But, will they find the satisfaction they so craved?
The black cat
In the first year of their marriage, Nii Botwe’s wife conceived. It was a joyous moment as the couple prepared to welcome their first child.
She was healthy and did not have any complications at all. The wife went about her days without any complaints or any indication that she was suffering in any way.
In her fifth month, however, something unusual occurred when the couple was in their bedroom sleeping.
Some cats used to frequent their house at night. But there was this particular cat which only jumped and placed itself near their window.
This cat meowed and cried all the time that it attached itself to the window. After a few minutes, it goes away without anyone knowing where it went.
In the morning, Nii and his wife woke up only to find her bleeding. They dashed off to the hospital, and to their dismay, the doctor said the baby was dead in the womb and needed to be taken out as soon as possible.
As disappointing and painful as it sounded to them, the couple kept hope alive that they would be blessed with another pregnancy in no time, and it happened for them.
The pregnancy was going well until the black cat came again one night. This second time, both of them were not asleep yet and so they could hear every sound the cat made.
They were unperturbed, anyway because they felt it was just an animal looking for a warm place away from the cold.
Again, in the morning, the wife whose belly was heavy, started bleeding and they needed to go to the hospital once more. They were told the same story that the baby had died and needed to be taken out.
Something did not make sense to the chief and his wife. This is the second time his wife was losing a pregnancy at the fifth month when she had no issue at all.
The strangest thing was that this very cat came along only when the wife was five months pregnant! They went home disheartened and frustrated, hoping that they get pregnant again and soon.
For the third, fourth, and fifth, the couple lost all the pregnancies. By this time, they were well aware that the miscarriages had a link with the black cat, but how were they to prove it to the people they told that story to?
Stigma sets in
People gossiped about them, including members of their household who were reliant on the couple.
The rumour mill also churned information around that Nii and his wife were into something they did not know because it didn’t make sense that she would keep losing her pregnancies in that way.
Some even speculated that the wife had arranged stones in her womb so that no children could grow to full term in there.
As she grew tired of these accusations, the wife decided to stay indoors as much as she could to avoid all social gatherings.
“People gossiped about us. Even those that my wife and I took care of in our own home did not spare us. They backbit about us and still fed on my food. Instead of being empathetic toward us, they rather made our situation worse with their cruel words.
Some even said there were stones arranged in my wife’s stomach. As for my wife, she stopped attending weddings, naming ceremonies, and other social gatherings because anytime she attended those events, she came home with tears and stories about what who and who told her that hurt her,” Nii disclosed.
Combing through fertility hospitals in Accra
By now, Nii Botwe II and his wife lived a sour life. The stigma and situation at hand was weighing her down. The woman cried all night without sleeping a wink and this affected him, too.
His father by now had also become concerned with the constant miscarriages in their lives. He decided to act.
The chief’s father personally booked appointments from one fertility hospital to the other for the couple to attend. And even though they were convinced that whatever was happening to them was more spiritual than physical, the couple honoured all their appointments with the doctors but nothing came out of it.
“They took our blood and urine samples and ran series of tests on both of us. Everything was in the right place and they declared us fit. They checked her womb and everything was fine.
We didn’t have any problem. Even the doctors don’t understand why my wife loses the pregnant when she got to the fifth month. They encouraged us to keep trying and not lose hope,” Nii Afotey said.
After their encounters with the fertility doctors, the couple got pregnant again and for the sixth and seventh time, they still lost the pregnancies that came by. At this time, the wife had given up all hopes.
There were times he himself hid to shed some tears so that the wife would not see him and get discouraged even more. Yes, Nii Afotey Botwe II is a supportive, caring and loving husband.
Along the line, she no longer got pregnant as often as she did before, and this deepened her woes.
According to Nii, his wife became depressed and developed the habit of talking to herself. He tried everything within his power to keep her protected and he loved her even more.
The dog gift
One day, a friend visited the couple. It was during their conversation that the man suggested that Nii should keep a dog as pet in their home.
The friend convinced him, saying that because he was housing other people and the nature of their house, thieves may be attracted to come in. Therefore, he needed that security a dog could provide.
Not a fan of pets, willy-nilly, Nii agreed to the suggestion. The friend even added that he would buy the dog himself as a gift to him and his household. Soon, there was a dog in the house.
The couple, after almost a year without pregnancy, got pregnant again – their seventh pregnancy. The wife was now fearful as she imagined the worse happening to them again.
However, they could only hope and pray that the black cat would not show its face again. They also did not joke with their regular Sunday worship.
They were devout Christians and did their best to have a great relationship with God.
One more time, the black cat came in again. But, this time, they did not hear it make any sound as they were fast asleep throughout the night.
Shocks were written all over them when, in the morning, they woke up to a dead black cat on the compound.
Yes, the cat came back again but this time, it got killed by the dog gifted to the family. What a relief that was to Nii and his wife!
The months passed by quickly. Soon, the pregnancy had crossed the seventh month and the couple was so sure that this time they will come home with a living baby.
That happened for them! Sometime during the ninth month, Nii’s wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. The treasure of a girl who came to them in their ninth year of marriage!
Asked if they knew whether the cat lived in the neighborhood or the one it belonged to, Nii said he didn’t have the slightest idea about the troubling cat.
“I don’t know the owner of that black cat. And I don’t know where it was also coming from. What we didn’t understand was why it only came when my wife was in her fifth month of all the pregnancies we lost. But the dog killed it. Because of that I don’t joke with dogs at all.
Now, I have plenty of them in my house. Thanks be to God for helping us. I also thanked my friend profusely for the dog,” Nii disclosed.
Supportive people
In their struggle, Nii was particularly thankful to his father. He said even though the father had other wives aside from his mother, he never pressured him into marrying another woman when his wife could not give birth.
“I also thank my father for his loyalty and care. Even though he had more than one wife, he never encouraged me to look for another wife when my wife had the spontaneous miscarriages. He supported us in prayer and physical assistance by taking us to the doctors.”
“And to my friend who brought us the dog, I can call him our saviour. I had no idea that was the solution we needed until he brought it up. This is what good friends should do. They should help, support rather than gossip and stigmasied,” Nii said.
To anyone battling infertility, Nii advised that: “Have hope that you will be fine. Have a positive mindset.
Don’t listen to the negative things people say. Stay close to God, eat well and visit the hospital.”
Please watch Nii’s full interview here:
